Why do we depend on someone else's opinion and why fight it

We understand the reasons for this dependence. And we decide whether there is any benefit from it.

Masha Moss
psychologist
At its core, dependence on opinion is subordination to others. In such a situation, a person puts someone above himself. Moreover, this someone may be older or younger. He may or may not be in a higher position. Why does a person a priori choose submission?

Of course, the original tandem - "child-parent." But, here the person has already become an adult, but he has not gained independence. He continues to obey someone else's will. Why? The reason is benefits.

What are the reasons?

5 PHOTOS

Reason 1. Shifting responsibility

Here I will mention Eric Fromm's monograph "Escape from Freedom". On the one hand, a person from that very childhood strives for freedom, but when he receives it, he runs away from it. After all, along with freedom, he also acquires a burden of responsibility.

Reason 2: Opportunity to get approval
The disliked child tries to compensate for this in adulthood by becoming a "good" ("comfortable") person. When he is praised, his mood immediately improves. He is ready to process and help in everything, just to get a new portion of approval.

Reason 3. The need to feel important

A person feels needed when they are addressed. Moreover, they turn to him! This means that he alone can cope with this task. The sense of exclusivity is overpowering.

Reason 4. Guilt
In this case, a person tends to take on someone else's responsibility. the problem arises when it is abandoned. He starts to feel guilty. Therefore, it is easier for him to agree and obey, so as not to deal with pangs of conscience later.

It would seem that this is bad. Why not really obey? But the trick is that these benefits are illusory. In fact, the person does not receive anything. Let's deal with this.

What does this really give us?
Dealing with responsibility
So, the person took and shifted the responsibility onto other people's shoulders. What happened at that moment? Will the one to whom it was given really carry it?

For example, a mother told a young man to marry a certain girl. He married, but the girl turned out to be the owner of a bad character. The man started blaming his mother. But he said the cherished "I agree" in the registry office. With him and demand.

It turns out that, in fact, letting someone else make a decision is also a decision. You will also have to answer it. So shifting responsibility is an illusion. Moreover, it is even more difficult to predict what consequences will have to be dealt with. Do not attract another.

Dealing with approval
“A kind word is also pleasant for a cat” - a fact. However, here we have a double-edged sword. If a person gets increased pleasure from praise, then how does he suffer from criticism? Very much. And even from the most constructive.

Now let's face it. What do we get more often - praise or criticism? By refusing constructive criticism, what else is a person refusing? From points of growth, improvement, development, opportunities, a promotion at work, building strong relationships, etc.

Dealing with importance

Managers love to play on a sense of importance. Open any book on management and you will see how you are being manipulated. We are talking about the following phrases: “Only you can do it”, “Who else can I trust, except you”, and “Only you understand this so well”.

And here's what's interesting: such "important" people are usually not promoted ... They are not transferred from the category of subordinates to equals. What for? After all, they are comfortable. And they also “understand that the company has no money, so it will not be possible to raise salaries.”

Dealing with guilt
The relief from the absence of guilt is also very twofold. Yes, it does not gnaw (it seems), but it gnaws at something else - self-flagellation about the fact that again I could not refuse. And we're back to guilt again. A person does not feel it in front of another but feels it in front of himself.

But is the person really to blame? Guilt is a complex feeling. It is instilled in us in childhood when we do not yet have critical thinking. The child feels guilty because the parent blames him. He doesn't think about whether he really is to blame. It is only with the advent of critical thinking that such things begin to be questioned.

Having understood why you need all this, you can decide whether it is beneficial for you. Is it worth it to depend on the opinion of those who really will not decide anything for you and will not be responsible for the consequences of your decisions? It seems the answer is obvious.